She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
