I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
