I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He passed out mid-signature
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
