I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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