WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Barsexuality is the new black.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
