At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
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