I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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