his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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