Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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