umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
there was a trapeze. enough said
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
