420 ftw
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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