I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
