You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
