dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
