I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
