she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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