Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
