We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
