i don't plan on having that self control this summer
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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