life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize