I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
