I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
