so let's talk penis.
I cut my penus on the lid.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
