I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
