oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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