you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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