David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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