god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
