Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
