I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
