So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
