i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
