my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
