Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
