I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
