Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
