I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
