i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
