did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
