you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
