Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You can't just leave with hair like that
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize