What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
