I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
