I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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