wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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