Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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