How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize