Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
