Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
