There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
