Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
