6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
