i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
