mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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