is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
