it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
