Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Randomize
