I think scott just propositioned me for sex
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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