I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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