saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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