Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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