How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
