listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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