this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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