Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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