I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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