his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
