he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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