i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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