ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He shit in the fireplace
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
