You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize