I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
