Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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