Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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