we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
