I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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