My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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