its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
