I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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