Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
you will always have a special place in my vag
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
