if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Alive.
So much puke
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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