I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
