He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
