I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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