I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
