You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
