I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
