I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
