take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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