I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize