Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
