Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
