i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
