She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
