lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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