ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
