I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Let's get the cat blown out
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
