I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
