I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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