Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
