I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
