We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
