Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
