ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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