Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
