you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
