I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
