Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
