Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You ate ashes out of my bong
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize