my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
love makes seman taste better
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
