i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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