and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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