i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
