my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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