Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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