the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
