the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
