Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
